Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome

If you’ve ever been mistreated or emotionally injured by a church or pastor, this column is for you.

When I was a young teenager, an incident happened in which my family felt mistreated by our pastor & church.  Their criticism & condemnation of our family member lead others to say similar things to us or about us.  Because of that experience, we stopped attending church.  As time went on, God & church seemed irrelevant to me.  I simply focused on other things & other people.  

So when I saw the term “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome” a few weeks ago, my thoughts immediately returned to that hurtful episode in my growing up years.  While in seminary, I heard a seminary professor say, ”The landscape is littered by countless people who’ve left the church because they were hurt or injured or mistreated.”  At that point, I had no idea of how many such people I’d encounter in the years ahead.  I have talked to many people who left the church because of conflict or mistreatment. At times, it has seemed like an epidemic of Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.

Reba Riley is the author who coined the term “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.”  The symptoms are similar to soldiers who returned from the battlefield with Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  Riley grew up in a good evangelical home & a good evangelical church & was studying at a good evangelical college.  After leaving the church & the faith in her 20s, she wrote: 

“When faith is your whole identity, rejecting it is not unlike swan-diving into a bed of nails. It’s spiritual suicide; you’ll be forced attend a thousand little funerals for your shattered self, each worse than the last.

“The pain is so brutal, so intense, that it’s easier to tell yourself lies: Faith isn’t important; I don’t need God; I can partition off my soul with demolition tape and tip-toe around the condemned site forever.

“Except that eventually, I couldn’t play pretend.”

Not everyone with Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome decides to stop believing in God.  Some are able to distinguish God from an unhealthy, dysfunctional church, and thus continue to believe in a good God without the support of a church.  Some are later drawn to attend a different church.  A few eventually go back to the church that caused their pain.  Most wonder through life without finding healing or hope.  Some, thank the Lord, are able to find help & healing.

If you have Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome, here are a few suggestions:

-Spend time with safe people you trust & respect.  Post-Traumatic Church folks need caring comrades to heal their hearts & hurts.

-Consider seeking extra help from a counselor or life-coach.  Life-coaches & counselors are now available online or via skype.  See it as like going to a medical doctor for an illness.

-Don’t give up on God because his rebellious people caused your pain or injury.  God’s people often don’t represent Him well.  Let God’s Spirit show you a God you didn’t see in “God’s people.”  Read Lamentations 3:4-6, 22-26.  After Jerusalem was destroyed, Jeremiah grieved and then proclaimed, ”Great is Thy Faithfulness… It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

-Nurture your own faith by reading the Bible for yourself.  If you don’t enjoy reading, get an audio version on cd or ipod.  There are also Bible versions for your smartphone, Kindle, or tablet.  If you struggle to find words for your prayers, try reading some of the Psalms, many of which were prayers or songs that were sung to the Lord.  

-Nurture your faith by also listening to Christian music.  Music can soothe your emotional pain or heal your soul.  It may also lead you to worship the Lord.

I’m sorry that you suffered Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.  I hope & pray that God’s Spirit will lead you to find help, healing, & new hope.

Church: Joining Your Imperfect Self to Other Imperfect Selves

By Scott Sauls 
When the local church falls short of Jesus’ vision for the church as a “radiant bride” reflecting his glory, a “city on a hill” that shines with attractive good works, “the salt of the earth” that prevents decay and promotes flourishing, and “the light of the world” that makes dark places less dark, some Christians are tempted to leave the church for some other alternative.

For many such Christians, the common refrain is, “I want to be part of something that’s more like the New Testament Church.”

I always scratch my head when I hear Christians say this. In several incidences, the actual “New Testament Church” was less attractive, less authentic, less flexible, less loving, less truthful, less beautiful, and less Christ-like than the church of today. If anyone has ever been tempted to hit the eject button on the local church in favor of creating their own, more robust faith experience, it was people who were part of the actual New Testament church. It is because so many first century Christians had a foot out the door that the writer of Hebrews urged them to not give up meeting together, “as is the habit of some” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

One “New Testament Church” that we would all be tempted to abandon was the church at Corinth.
One of the most celebrated passages in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13, famously known as “the love chapter.” In this magnificent chapter, we are told that love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast, and it is not arrogant or rude. It is not demanding or irritable, and it does not hold a grudge. It resists things that are wrong and celebrates things that are true. It bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things.

Wonderful, right?

Did you know that when Paul wrote to the Corinthians about love, he didn’t have wedding ceremonies or cross stitch art in mind? Did you know that he was actually rebuking them because each of the attributes of love was something that they lacked?

The Corinthian church, a prominent “New Testament Church,” was filled with problems. A brief journey through Paul’s first letter to this community of misfits tells us that they were known for judging each other harshly, creating major divisions over minor theological issues, committing adultery, initiating frivolous lawsuits, divorcing without biblical grounds, parading “Christian liberty” in front of people with a bruised conscience, ignoring the needs of the poor, and the list goes on. Paul could have very easily written off this community. He could have very easily thrown in the towel.
Why didn’t Paul throw in the towel on the New Testament Church? For the same reason that Jesus didn’t thrown in the towel.

Church is family.

Membership in a local church means nothing more and nothing less than this: Joining your imperfect self to many other imperfect selves to form an imperfect community that, through Jesus, embarks on a journey toward a better future…together.

Surprisingly, Paul begins his confrontational first letter to the Corinthians with affirmation and assurance. In spite of their many flaws, sins, inconsistencies, hypocrisies, and weaknesses, he is hopeful for them, not because they are stellar people but because Jesus is a stellar Savior. Jesus will complete the work that he began in them, and Paul knows this. So, instead of hitting eject on them, he doubles down on his involvement with them. Instead of shunning and shaming them, he speaks to them as his beloved brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters in the faith. Instead of running from them, he runs toward them. He names them not according to their failures but according to their redemptive status, using words like “saints” and “sanctified.” He thanks God always for them and reminds them that Jesus will sustain them until the end. Though they are messed up now, Jesus has a plan to transform them into people who are glorious and guiltless.

Paul looks at the broken local church and envisions beauty. He looks at the sinful local church and envisions sainthood. He looks at the undesirable local church and is overcome with desire for her flourishing. Paul thinks about the church in the same way that Jesus does. He thinks about the church as family. Daughters and sons of God, with whom he is well pleased. The bride of Christ, to whom he has betrothed himself forever. Sisters and brothers to one another, fellow heirs of the Kingdom.

Family.

As Saint Augustine once said, sometimes “the Church is a whore…but she is still my Mother.”

Not only is the Church our Mother, She is also Jesus’ wife.

By Scott Sauls   http://scottsauls.com/2014/07/10/church-whore-still-mother/  

7 Ways for Christians to Love Our Neighbors even when we disagree

The annual Pride Parade in Seattle drew an estimated 300,000 revelers this year. The air was incredibly festive. Participants had seen victory after victory for their cause, and many others had jumped on the proverbial bandwagon, much as a winning sports team suddenly gathers a lot of new fans.

In the providence of God, I was also preaching that day at our downtown church, located right alongside the parade route. This is the city Jesus has called me to serve, and I’ve been ministering here now for about two decades. I can assure you, it’s complicated.



What does it look like to remain faithful to God while loving neighbors who passionately disagree with Christian convictions? If you’re looking for an answer that makes both God and everyone else happy, I can save you a lot of wasted time…it doesn’t exist (Romans 8:7).

So how do we avoid the ditch on the left -- where we don’t call sin a sin -- as well as the ditch on the right -- where we are angry culture warriors battling unbelievers instead of evangelizing them? In my new book, "A Call to Resurgence: Will Christianity Have a Funeral or a Future?," I offer the following suggestions:



1. Come to terms with disagreement. For the Christian, changing God’s laws in Scripture, by popular opinion, makes as much sense as changing God’s laws in nature -- including gravity and the temperature at which substances freeze and boil. Non-Christians don’t need to accept these laws but tolerate them, if indeed they believe in tolerance, diversity, and inclusion, as they boast.



Christians and non-Christians disagree on a lot of things including what to do with our money, sin, and genitals. We won’t agree because we don’t agree. Instead of trying to pretend that we do agree, we need to accept the fact that we agree to disagree and get on with evangelizing lost people, defending our religious freedoms, and loving our critics while leaning over the plate to take one for Team Jesus.



2. Turn the other cheek.  Both homosexuals and Christians are, curiously enough, organized minority groups. 

If Christians war with homosexuals, we’re ignoring the majority -- all the people somewhere on the continuum between the two groups. 

As a general rule, those people in the middle are the very people we’ve been called to evangelize. If they see us as being mean spirited, they will be less likely to want to hear about the love of Jesus from unloving people. 

Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek, not because he likes it when we lose a fight, but because he likes it when we win people who are watching the fight (Matt. 5:39).



3. Welcome everyone to your church… The same Bible that talks about sin is equally clear about love. The church I serve as pastor includes people who are practicing homosexuals, as well as others who are struggling with same sex attraction to varying degrees. 

They sit in service next to single people cohabiting, people who watch porn, adulterers -- and the self-righteous religious people who look down on all of them. 

We all start in a bad place. 

When the Bible says that Jesus died for sin, he’s talking about evil people, like me. I was sleeping with a pastor’s daughter when I became a Christian and realized that worshiping God included my pants.



We are all works in progress. We do not expect people to get their sin in order before attending church any more than a hospital expects people to get healed before they show up.



4. …but don’t allow everyone to lead your church. Christians who practice repentance should be the only ones allowed into official church membership and leadership (1 Tim. 3:1–12). 

This does not mean in any way that they are perfect, but that they agree with the Bible, and that when they are in sin, they are willing to fight to overcome sin by God’s grace. 

We’re not asking for perfection but rather for a desire for progress in victory over sin.



5. Distinguish between temptation and sin. The Bible is clear that Jesus was tempted and did not sin (Hebrews 4:15). Just because someone is tempted does not mean that person is in sin. 

Temptation is an opportunity for sin or for victory. 

We must not shame or condemn people who experience various kinds of temptation -- including sexual temptations such as same sex attraction or heterosexual fornication or even pornography -- if they desire to make a life U-turn.



At the same time, we must not endorse or encourage caving in to sinful desires either. Instead, we need to walk lovingly with people, telling them that part of the Spirit’s work in their lives is self-control, and that so long as they want to fight for holiness, we want to fight not against them but for them. And as they gain victory, we ought to celebrate and encourage them all the more.



6. The best defense is a good offense. The best thing the church can do for marriage is encourage and assist good marriages. This includes lots of teaching on sex and marriage, great premarital counseling, a supportive community for married couples, and efforts to nurture marriages that are enduring and endearing so that God’s people are getting divorced only on rare occasion because of extreme circumstances.



7. Evangelize through suffering. Bible-believing Christians will need to toughen up -- rather than crumple in a heap -- when slapped with words like hateful, bigoted, intolerant, shameful, cruel, unloving, homophobic, prejudiced, discriminatory, and more. 

Jesus told us to love our enemies; his assumption was that we would have enemies to love (Matt. 5:44).



If we say what Scripture says, we should expect to suffer as Scripture promises. In fact, Jesus promises that we’ll see trouble, experience hardship, and be hated. Rather than run away or fight back, however, he invites us to endure and persevere as an “opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:12–19).



We have been chosen by God to live at this time and in this culture with all its faults and flaws, as part of the church of Jesus Christ with all her faults and flaws, as people with our own faults and flaws (Acts 17:26). 

Because our society no longer values historically Christian beliefs, we have an unprecedented opportunity for a resurgence of biblically faithful, personally humble, evangelistically fruitful, missional Christianity.



The truth of God’s Word is hard like an anvil meant to reshape us into something better. But we can deliver a hard word without having a hard heart toward the recipient. 

An honest explanation of sin is essential for our message of ultimate help, healing, and hope: Jesus Christ is alive. He is King of kings and Lord of lords. 

Jesus makes life, death, suffering, and persecution meaningful.

And the backlash is a blessing. 

After all, you really don’t know how committed you are to Jesus until you have to start paying a price for that friendship.

Pastor Mark Driscoll is the founding pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington and is one of the world's most-downloaded and quoted pastors. 

from http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/11/24/seven-ways-for-christians-to-love-their-neighbors-even-when-disagree/