When I was a young teenager, an incident happened in which
my family felt mistreated by our pastor & church. Their criticism & condemnation of our family member lead
others to say similar things to us or about us. Because of that experience, we stopped attending
church. As time went on, God &
church seemed irrelevant to me. I
simply focused on other things & other people.
So when I saw the term “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome” a
few weeks ago, my thoughts immediately returned to that hurtful episode in my
growing up years. While in
seminary, I heard a seminary professor say, ”The landscape is littered by countless
people who’ve left the church because they were hurt or injured or
mistreated.” At that point, I had
no idea of how many such people I’d encounter in the years ahead. I have talked to many people who left
the church because of conflict or mistreatment. At times, it has seemed like an
epidemic of Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.
Reba Riley is the author who coined the term “Post-Traumatic
Church Syndrome.” The symptoms are
similar to soldiers who returned from the battlefield with Post-Traumatic
Stress Syndrome. Riley grew up in
a good evangelical home & a good evangelical church & was studying at a
good evangelical college. After
leaving the church & the faith in her 20s, she wrote:
“When faith is your whole
identity, rejecting it is not unlike swan-diving into a bed of nails. It’s
spiritual suicide; you’ll be forced attend a thousand little funerals for your
shattered self, each worse than the last.
“The pain is so brutal, so
intense, that it’s easier to tell yourself lies: Faith isn’t important; I don’t
need God; I can partition off my soul with demolition tape and tip-toe around
the condemned site forever.
“Except that eventually, I couldn’t play pretend.”
Not everyone with Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome decides to
stop believing in God. Some are
able to distinguish God from an unhealthy, dysfunctional church, and thus
continue to believe in a good God without the support of a church. Some are later drawn to attend a
different church. A few eventually
go back to the church that caused their pain. Most wonder through life without finding healing or
hope. Some, thank the Lord, are
able to find help & healing.
If you have Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome, here are a few
suggestions:
-Spend time with safe people you trust & respect. Post-Traumatic Church folks need caring
comrades to heal their hearts & hurts.
-Consider seeking extra help from a counselor or
life-coach. Life-coaches &
counselors are now available online or via skype. See it as like going to a medical doctor for an illness.
-Don’t give up on God because his rebellious people caused
your pain or injury. God’s people
often don’t represent Him well.
Let God’s Spirit show you a God you didn’t see in “God’s people.” Read Lamentations 3:4-6, 22-26. After Jerusalem was destroyed, Jeremiah
grieved and then proclaimed, ”Great is Thy Faithfulness… It is good to wait
quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
-Nurture your own faith by reading the Bible for
yourself. If you don’t enjoy
reading, get an audio version on cd or ipod. There are also Bible versions for your smartphone, Kindle,
or tablet. If you struggle to find
words for your prayers, try reading some of the Psalms, many of which were
prayers or songs that were sung to the Lord.
-Nurture your faith by also listening to Christian
music. Music can soothe your
emotional pain or heal your soul.
It may also lead you to worship the Lord.
