Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome

If you’ve ever been mistreated or emotionally injured by a church or pastor, this column is for you.

When I was a young teenager, an incident happened in which my family felt mistreated by our pastor & church.  Their criticism & condemnation of our family member lead others to say similar things to us or about us.  Because of that experience, we stopped attending church.  As time went on, God & church seemed irrelevant to me.  I simply focused on other things & other people.  

So when I saw the term “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome” a few weeks ago, my thoughts immediately returned to that hurtful episode in my growing up years.  While in seminary, I heard a seminary professor say, ”The landscape is littered by countless people who’ve left the church because they were hurt or injured or mistreated.”  At that point, I had no idea of how many such people I’d encounter in the years ahead.  I have talked to many people who left the church because of conflict or mistreatment. At times, it has seemed like an epidemic of Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.

Reba Riley is the author who coined the term “Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.”  The symptoms are similar to soldiers who returned from the battlefield with Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  Riley grew up in a good evangelical home & a good evangelical church & was studying at a good evangelical college.  After leaving the church & the faith in her 20s, she wrote: 

“When faith is your whole identity, rejecting it is not unlike swan-diving into a bed of nails. It’s spiritual suicide; you’ll be forced attend a thousand little funerals for your shattered self, each worse than the last.

“The pain is so brutal, so intense, that it’s easier to tell yourself lies: Faith isn’t important; I don’t need God; I can partition off my soul with demolition tape and tip-toe around the condemned site forever.

“Except that eventually, I couldn’t play pretend.”

Not everyone with Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome decides to stop believing in God.  Some are able to distinguish God from an unhealthy, dysfunctional church, and thus continue to believe in a good God without the support of a church.  Some are later drawn to attend a different church.  A few eventually go back to the church that caused their pain.  Most wonder through life without finding healing or hope.  Some, thank the Lord, are able to find help & healing.

If you have Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome, here are a few suggestions:

-Spend time with safe people you trust & respect.  Post-Traumatic Church folks need caring comrades to heal their hearts & hurts.

-Consider seeking extra help from a counselor or life-coach.  Life-coaches & counselors are now available online or via skype.  See it as like going to a medical doctor for an illness.

-Don’t give up on God because his rebellious people caused your pain or injury.  God’s people often don’t represent Him well.  Let God’s Spirit show you a God you didn’t see in “God’s people.”  Read Lamentations 3:4-6, 22-26.  After Jerusalem was destroyed, Jeremiah grieved and then proclaimed, ”Great is Thy Faithfulness… It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

-Nurture your own faith by reading the Bible for yourself.  If you don’t enjoy reading, get an audio version on cd or ipod.  There are also Bible versions for your smartphone, Kindle, or tablet.  If you struggle to find words for your prayers, try reading some of the Psalms, many of which were prayers or songs that were sung to the Lord.  

-Nurture your faith by also listening to Christian music.  Music can soothe your emotional pain or heal your soul.  It may also lead you to worship the Lord.

I’m sorry that you suffered Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.  I hope & pray that God’s Spirit will lead you to find help, healing, & new hope.

Strategies For Stress

The word stress is usually used in a negative way, as though all stress was to be avoided.  However, stress can be positive and healthy.  Think of a stringed instrument such as a guitar or piano.  If the strings don’t have enough tension or stress, they don’t work properly.  Too much tension or stress causes the strings to break or play off pitch.  Just the right amount of tension or stress will produce beautiful music. 

Most of us need a certain amount of stress.  Without any deadlines or pressure, most of us wouldn’t get much if anything done.  Positive stress can motivate us to accomplish things.  On the other hand, too much stress will cause physical or mental health problems.  So the key is to find THE RIGHT AMOUNT of stress for yourself.  Here are some strategies for handling stress:

1. A relationship with God will help you to deal with the stress in your life.  Jesus can help you deal with anger, resentment, bitterness, guilt, and a life with Jesus will motivate you in healthy, positive ways.  Psalm 62: 1-2 says, “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.  Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”   Focus on building a personal relationship with Jesus through prayer and the Bible.   

2. Release your frustration and negative emotions to God in prayer.  Psalm 62:8 instructs us,  “Pour out your hearts to God, for God is our refuge.”  Every life has disappointments, frustrations, grief, irritations, etc.  Release your negative feelings to God in prayer. Also, release your negative feelings to a trusted friend or counselor or pastor.

3. At some point, everyone of us is mistreated or offended.  We’re all tempted to become bitter.  When we’re hurt, the temptation is to build a wall around yourself, so that you won’t get hurt again.  One antidote to bitterness is FORGIVENESS.  Even if the other person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, forgiving him/her will improve your emotional health.  Another antidote to bitterness is GRATITUDE.  Make a list of 5-10 blessings in your life, everyday for 10-15 days; it can change how you perceive your life.  Resist becoming bitter.

4. Accept help from others.  We all want to become independent when we’re young, but some of us struggle to become interdependent as we mature.  Why do you believe you have to handle everything in your life on your own?  God provided Aaron for Moses, and Jesus had 12 disciples.  God created us to be in community, in relationships with others.  So if someone offers to help you, accept their help.  Who can you ask to help you?  If you have too much stress, take initiative to share part of it with another person(s).

Choose 1-2 of these strategies, to help you manage your stress.  I will offer more strategies next week.  May God’s Spirit strengthen you and guide you.